“Through wisdom, a house is built, and by understanding, it is established; ⁴By knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Proverbs 24:3-4
I always say a wedding is an event, but marriage is a lifelong commitment. Marriages are not sustained by feelings, though they are good but are sustained by engaging knowledge, understanding, and wisdom, as the cited Scripture said.
Marriage is an institution that demands selflessness. There must be sacrificial commitment to the union. You will never enjoy marriage if you struggle to sacrifice for someone’s good. To start with, there must be love in marriage. The word love is misunderstood by the world, but the best definition of love that can sustain a marriage is found in 1 Corinthians 13v4-8.
Marriage is what the couple makes it to be. If both are committed and willing to make marriage enjoyable, there is no way that marriage will fail. Actually, God will be on their side. But if the two neglect the marriage union, they can lose it without them knowing.
The most difficult part of marriage is that it reveals your personal flaws and you remain accountable to your spouse 24/7. Unlike before, you can’t go to school to escape it. You can’t wish to grow up and leave the home. It is a lifelong commitment. You must be dedicated to the commitment.
Your spouse is like a mirror. (S)He reveals your weaknesses, some of which you never knew you had. If you are not wise, you might think your spouse made you turn bad yet (s)he just reveals what you did not know about yourself. You need to be ready to learn and adjust according to the constantly availed feedback. Be correctible if you want to have a joyful marriage. You don’t need to hate the mirror. Just use the mirror to be better.
Satan on all fronts he tries to fight happy families for he knows from them come very well balanced and well conditioned offsprings. So give the devil no room to spoil your union.
Human relationships thrive when they are lavished with quality time. As a couple, intentionally organize your life so that you will be together for most of the time. If you have no time for each other, you leave the devil a room to plant another person between you. Also, when you are staying together, don’t let raising kids leave you with no time for each other; kids in later years shall leave you, and you will be left as a couple. Will you still be lovers at that stage?
As husband and wife, be the closest of friends. No one must be ashamed after getting married to make all other friendships secondary to you, primarily befriending your spouse. As husband and wife, the closer you are to each other than friends, the more fulfilling your marriage will be. Share everything, including feelings, thoughts, finances, spiritual assignments, etc. Often pray together and share concerns. Make efforts to be soulmates indeed.
When married, respect your in-laws at all times. By respecting your in-laws, you are showing great love to your spouse for his/her family matters to him/her. Respect your in-laws, but be wise enough not to let them put you asunder intentionally or unintentionally. For some requests for help from your siblings and parents, direct them to your spouse to minimise unintended confusion.
Good communication is the lifeblood of sound marriages. In communication, listening is key. Listen well and comment later. As a husband, before you give a solution, hear the story fully. Learn to show emotions that reflect understanding. Facts are important, but showing love is more impactful.
Most people are quick to point out a lack of communication as a major problem of marriages. Partially, l agree, but l think it is beyond communication. Poor communication is just a symbol of deep-rooted negative attitudes. To say out things as they are is easy, but attitudes shown when something has been communicated is the elephant in the room. If you learn to show constructive attitudes from communications made by your spouse, you have encouraged and started nurturing great communication for your marriage. Frequently ask yourself what it is that causes your spouse not to tell you what matters? It is much of an introspection question than an accusatory question.
The secular world is now also appreciating that most divorces are happening due to serious financial disagreements in marriages. It is important for a couple to wisely engage each other on money matters. I find it prudent for a couple to plan their finances together.
Birds have in them the ability to build nests. Some small creeping animals dig complicated homes as shelter. Ants build colonies. The same God who made these animals created humans with many more abilities. Let each couple appreciate that they have in them the ability to build their own house. After the appreciation, there must be a plan to build, which must be executed. A marriage needs a house to accommodate the kids that might come from it. Take conscious steps to have a house to shelter your family.
If something seems to be going wrong in your marriage seek wise counsel from highly confidential people but don’t publicize your fall off you might see yourself dealing with the shame of unnecessarily unveiling some unpleasant moments of your marriage. If you have not told someone the details of the goodness of your marriage before, why rush to tell him/her about your spouse’s mistake/sin/offending act in the day of a crisis? Only well selected, wise, and confidential counselors must be trusted in the stormy day of your marriage.
If you want your husband to be close to you and confide in, you must learn to keep secrets. I have seen foolish wives recklessly talking about their bedroom lives to friends. I have heard of spouses struggling to plan together because the other party prematurely publicize the family plans to outsiders, and it has negative consequences on the outcomes. You significantly decrease your value if your spouse regards telling you an issue as speaking to the public.
As a Christian couple, it is needless to mention that you need to be faithful to one another. Desist from the habit of befriending or confiding in members of the opposite sex apart from your wife. Take conscious steps to keep a distance and have clear boundaries as such. You can’t play with burning coal and not be burnt. Keep yourself away from sexual immorality, for it normally comes from seemingly harmless relations with members of the opposite sex.
From the onset of your marriage, build habits that make you enjoy your married life. Nothing builds confidence in a couple as periodic planning and reviewing key family things together. It is the skeleton on which all activities, expenses, priorities, and sacrifices anchor on. To each spouse, the direction of the family is clear, and collaboration becomes easy. Married couples should endeavor to plan their family life together.
In marriage, love for your spouse is rigourously tested like never before. Uncertain events and unanticipated challenges with a huge impact on your quality of life happen. You need to be ready to stick to the decision you made, which is to love your spouse till death. Most of the times marriage will be sweeter after overcoming some marriage threatening obstacles.
One wise man told me, “ln marriage there must come a point you choose to tolerate your partner’s weakness as his/her identity lest you quarrel over one issue all the time.” Learn to live with what you cannot change about your spouse.
