“But if they can not exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7v9
Some say after salvation, marriage is the most important decision you will ever make in this earthly life. Poor marriage foundations result in disastrous marriages. Marriage failures must be avoided by wisely preparing for marriage.
Marriage is a very complicated relationship. It involves the coming together of two people from different backgrounds. Even if the husband and wife were to come from the same family, males and females are created differently, so differences would still arise. Now add differences of family background, societal norms, different aspirations, perhaps different levels in matters of faith, perhaps different levels of education, etc. With no devil showing up yet, some complexities of different perceptions are already there.
Since marriage is a sophisticated union, it must be well prepared. Before marriage, both parties must seek relevant marriage knowledge, which they go on to apply.
It is very naive to only think of the bedroom and bearing children whenever one thinks of marriage. Marriage involves a lot of things, including these two.
For the marriage relationship to work, there must be huge trade-offs from both parties. If any party insists on its own preference, the relationship won’t take time before getting sour.
In preparing for marriage, it is important to remember that God is not taken by surprise by anything in this world. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is from eternity to eternity. He created all people, and He knows all people. God knows people’s history, their present, and their future. It is not wise not to consult Him on whom you are to marry. Anyway He is the one who started marriage, why sideline Him.
Depending on your human intellect is disastrous since we know from Proverbs 14v12 that “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Be wise enough to seek divine insights and guidance in making marriage decisions.
God also uses wise godly people to help the willing, inexperienced youths to make right marriage decisions. Unfortunately, some young people unnecessarily set themselves for failed marriages by not seeking readily available information, which must help them make wise marriage decisions.
In combination with the above, for one to wisely choose a spouse, there is a need to formulate a well thought spouse selection criteria. The qualities looked for are not the same as those required to select a pastor, bishop or praise and worship leader. The qualities must reflect the differences of these roles. The best pastor is not necessarily the best husband. The best praise and worship leader is not necessarily the best wife for you. Devise a measure that shows deep appreciation of the unique spouse qualities required.
Surprisingly the personal qualities we were scorned at, being sarcastically called brother holies, by some not so wise sisters are the exact same qualities we constantly hear married mothers crying with tears as they pray and fast to happen to their husbands.
Through wisdom, a house is built. If you can find a wise wife or husband, you have found yourself a jewel. Go for as such instead of beautiful cars, executive jobs, expensive elegant clothes, gorgeous face and attractive body structure. In Proverbs 11v22 the point is well articulated as, ” As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.” Wisdom is critical. Wives who desert a husband after 15 years for losing a job is a mere lack of wisdom. Husbands who who spend all family income in a beerhall or in soccer betting are mere lack of wisdom. Lack of wisdom causes a lot of unnecessary pain. Forsake foolishness if you discern it at the courtship stage.
Instead of praying for a wedding for 25 years in marriage as a wife, why don’t you make it a marriage condition just before marriage? Be wise in courtship.
When one is in courtship, God warns him/her of future dangers using some red flags in the courtship stage. Out of ignorance, the red flags ignored in courtship often bring the most painful marriage moments years later. If he beats you or is very cheeky during courtship, it will be surprising if he does not beat you in marriage. If she cheats on you during courtship, it will be surprising if she stops during marriage. Pray for your eyes of understanding to be opened to know what to ignore and what to seriously re-consider. Do not foolishly fall in love, but be wise in scrutinising your possible future spouse. You can not afford to miss heavenly marriage hints and warning signals.
As a future husband, the most important thing you must do to create a sound marriage is to have a vision of the family you want to make. From that vision, you can easily assess a suitable helper for your specific family vision. If you are hazy on this, you are the author of whatever confusion that might come from omitting this key father/husband role.
As a future wife, the marriage choice must be an assessment of a potential husband’s family vision. She has to assess if the communicated family vision is the type of vision she wants to be part of. If a male suitor has no idea where he will take the household to, then submission in such a set-up shall become a huge challenge because the overall direction is not inspiring.
It is prudent as a couple aspiring to marry to discuss and appreciate the importance of finances in a home. Food, clothing, shelter, medical bills, transportation, leisure, and the like require money. As a couple, if you are ready for marriage, you must have a sound and viable plan to at least get the basics when you marry. It is unsustainable and very dangerous to marry expecting parents to foot the financial bill of your union. It will be impossible to restrain parents from interfering with your marriage if they are the perennial sponsors of your home. In judging, readiness for marriage ability to afford basics must be a key consideration.
Make sure in preparing for marriage you hear God and use His principles in building it.
With God’s counsel and marital blessings, you will agree with Scriptures that two are better than one and that the one who finds a spouse obtains more favor from God.
